Humour Résistance

La chanson de Roland couillonavirale

Voici un message honteusement pompé sur un forum anglo-saxon.

Une sorte de Chanson de Roland. Epique, hypnotique… et qui détaille bien le déroulé de la covidémence.

Pour les amateurs avertis seulement. 😉

The virus comes from bats
The origin of the virus may be bat soup
It comes from Wuhan open air wet markets
All Chinese wet markets should be closed immediately
There is an intermediate animal vector but we don’t know what it is
No intermediate animal vector can be identified
It is a bat virus from bats
The origin of the virus may not be bat soup
The virus cannot possibly be manmade and NO DISCUSSION of this can take place
The virus is NOT a bioweapon and NO DISCUSSION of this can take place
500,000 could die in the UK — “Imperial College Experts”
Millions will die in China
The fatality rate is much higher than Influenza
Lockdowns will work — we will flatten the Curve
We must Flatten the Curve — to save our health system
We are all in this together
Staying Apart Keeps Us Together
We must close our hospitals to save them
We have to build emergency testing centers
Mass graves are being dug
We must stop all hospital treatments of other diseases
All routine surgery must stop even for cancer patients
Dying from cancer or heart disease is OK but not if you have Covid 19
Then it is horrible, Covid 19 deaths are horrible
The hospitals must stand empty, waiting for the onslaught
We will need thousands of new intensive care ventilators
It’s all about flattening the curve
It’s not about flattening the curve
Social Distancing must be 1.5 meters (exactly)
Staying Apart Keeps Us Together
We are all at risk — everyone can die — even children
You cannot sit on grass — dangerous
You cannot picnic at a table — dangerous
You cannot walk on sand — dangerous
You cannot swim in the ocean — dangerous
Beaches are dangerous
Masks prevent you from spreading the virus
Masks protect you from getting the virus
It doesn’t matter what type of mask you wear
It doesn’t matter how often you change your mask
It doesn’t matter where you dispose of your mask
Wear gloves
Don’t wear gloves
If you are walking, you must wear a mask
If you are jogging, you do not need to wear a mask
Death numbers don’t matter, only case numbers
We will not tell you our definition of a “case” — never
There will be ABSOLUTELY NO discussion of False Positive Tests
There will be ABSOLUTELY NO discussion of False Negative Tests
There will be ABSOLUTELY NO discussion of Test Accuracy
There will be ABSOLUTELY NO discussion of PCR Tests versus Antibody Tests
Rapid Antibody Tests will soon be available and will save the day
Rapid Antibody Tests are of no use
We don’t need thousands of new intensive care ventilators
We have no idea for how long the virus is infectious
A quarantine period of exactly 2 weeks is mandated and will stop the spread
We are all in this together
Staying Apart Keeps Us Together
Hotel quarantines will be policed by untrained, unemployed people
Borders must be closed but not for some special people
Special people can be given permission to cross borders (especially if rich and famous)
The Phone Tracking App must be downloaded and will be the ultimate weapon
Everyone must download the Phone Tracking App
At least 6 million must download the Phone Tracking App
Forget the Phone Tracking App
In Melbourne lockdown, you cannot shop more than exactly 5kms from home
In Melbourne lockdown, you can walk for exactly 1 hour per day (and no more)
Coffee Shops contain the Virus, Supermarkets do not
Restaurants are dangerous
Staying Apart Keeps Us Together
BLM Protests are safe and OK
Protests against lockdowns are a “serious threat and dangerous”
Protests against lockdowns require massive police control and mass arrests
Professional athletes (especially professional footballers) are not at risk
The virus is not present on the grass on professional football fields
Mandatory Influenza shots will help protect professional footballers
Any footballer refusing a Flu shot is irresponsible and cannot play
Highway signs — “Covid 19 — Get your Flu Shot”
The Second Wave is coming
Forget about flattening the curve
A vaccine is coming within months
The vaccine will be mandatory
The vaccine will be as mandatory as possible
The vaccine will not be mandatory
(all three within minutes from the Prime Minister)
Give Billions to vaccine developers and call them heroes
The vaccine will save us all, it is our only hope
The vaccine will be safe and effective
The vaccine will be here before November
The vaccine will be a cure
A vaccine will be unlikely (after the Russian vaccine was announced)
Hydroxychloroquine is a very safe drug, used by millions for decades
Hydroxychloroquine is a safe effective treatment if used with Zinc in early stage disease
Hydroxychloroquine is extremely dangerous and is now banned
All discussion concerning Hydroxychloroquine is DANGEROUS
All discussion concerning Hydroxychloroquine is FORBIDDEN
No discussions of normal vaccine development periods are allowed
No discussions concerning vaccine safety are allowed
No discussions concerning vaccine effectiveness are allowed
We are controlling the virus
We don’t want to lose control of the virus
We are not trying to eliminate the virus
Our aim is to eliminate the virus
You cannot leave Australia without special permission
You cannot cross State borders without special permission
All Doctors who challenge the official narrative should be ignored
Those Doctors are clearly incompetent
We want to keep you safe, the scientists are in charge
We always act on scientific advice (carefully selected)
You can always depend on us to signal our virtue
We only take these grave decisions on the best scientific advice
The Dreaded Second Wave is here
The second wave is dangerous
Nothing is our fault, nothing
Staying Apart Keeps Us Together
We will not discuss co-morbid diseases as a cause of death
We will continue to label all deaths as Covid deaths
We will not discuss the fact that 94% of “Covid” deaths are from co-morbid diseases
We will continue to emphasize “case” numbers and not death numbers
We will not define what a “case” is — Never — Case numbers are paramount
We will never compare death numbers of Covid 19 versus Influenza death rates
No comparisons between Covid and Influenza epidemics will be tolerated
You can rely on us to generate maximum panic and fear
That is our solemn promise to keep you safe
We care for you, this is not about politics
We are virtuous, caring, taking medical advice, in control
The second wave is not so dangerous
That is all — apologies to MASH and Animal Farm/George Orwell
We are all in this together
Staying Apart Keeps Us Together.
There will be a second and 3rd and you get the message, lots of waves until we have subdued the masses and can control them with ease.